Post by Rhoni on Oct 9, 2007 10:45:38 GMT -5
Won't you come look for it?
I think I had named him Teddy; for the number of times he was standing placid in my head, I can only assume I had named him. He appeared every other day or every three days--there was never any set pattern, only the guarantee that before I started to become myself again, he would come back. One would think over the months I would have grown accustomed to him, but every time his dripping face loomed into my memory from the darkest drains of my thoughts, I felt my entire body recede, trying to fold in on itself in order to appear smaller so that he wouldn’t see me. I can still remember every detail of his face as though he were standing in front of me.
He was tall, almost 7 feet tall, and his body stood like a human’s. He was deathly thin and stretched, like something from a storybook but more haunting than any child’s imagination could handle. His arms hung down to his knees--they were almost three-fourths his entire body length, and each finger was twice as long as it should have been. His wrists and forearms were as thick as a foal’s cannon bones, and he hunkered over his stretched and elongated legs like an old man. He looked altogether, twigish and frail. Yet his body was nothing compared to his appearance.
He had no skin and wore no clothes, and it was as though he was made of pure white glass, for there were no protrusions of bone or muscle within his skin to give him definition. His tiny torso heaved silently, as though he were wheezing, and rocking in motion with his breath stood the spookiest appendage of his entire stature: his head.
It was bald and as liquid paper white as the rest of him, but it was sunken and oval--nothing like a human’s. It stood rattling about his neck like a child atop a rocking horse, unstable and disconnected from the giant looming body. He had no nose and his eyes were nothing like eyes at all, but rather large black circles that seemed to hold no depth nor personality. His mouth was no better, lacking lips of any kind, and instead, it was simply the same dark black and was constantly held open in a silent, never-ending scream. His expression never changed, never shifted into anything other than the half frightened, half frightening, staring gasp of horror and shame. This was Teddy. This was the monster of my mind.
And for some reason, I almost loved him.
Teddy was always with me, whether his disgusting face was looking at me in my mind or not, I always had one corner of my thoughts turned towards his tree-like figure. When I walked, Teddy was the one stalking behind me, his mouth gaping open in that undying scream as his hollow face turned back and fourth as though he were scanning the area. When I slept, Teddy stood hunkered over, breathing heavily and watched me with his unblinking stare, and when I awoke, Teddy’s face would turn away as though he was pretending he hadn’t been watching me at all. At times I found myself wondering if Teddy was real or simply the figure in my mind I hollowly knew he was, yet it was also at times I found I didn’t care. Teddy was the worst thing the ever happen to me, and yet I swear I would have died long ago without him.
My name is Ecclesiastes, God only knows what a wreck I am.
- - - - - - -
The hills looked diseased, that was all I could really say about them before my mouth opened so that my tongue could lash around in distaste. The flowers that budded like boils over the grass’ skin were blood red, and it gave the vegetation the appearance of a festering wound. I stood atop the crest of a hill, head sunk low and ears plastered back in both shame and disgust as my eyes slowly laced their fingertips over the hills that rotted and bubbled up from the horizon. I made no sound as slowly I breathed in the sweet air which I half expected to smell of burned skin, and the very wind of the place seemed to have sensed my discomfort, for it receded into the back reach of wood and moss, refusing to blow against my body in that comforting manner that makes newly born foals crane their necks skyward with fluid-filled eyes that had barely begun to open. I had stood placid and tense for minutes on end, my ribs being the only part brave enough to move as they slowly expanded and collapsed in the same rhythmic pattern. There seemed not to be another around, and I was half grateful, half shaken. This masterpiece of death would surely attract only the worst of intentors, and yet I could not bring myself the want to be alone. The sky and the meadows both felt so swallowing.
“Nothing but child’s thoughts.”
My voice sounded strange to me against the silence, and I even felt my chest tighten as both forearms were drawn closer to my stomach in an effort to become smaller. I stared about, looking for anything, looking for anyone, and slowly, my mind began to fold towards Teddy. I wasn’t sure he’d like this place, yet surely he wasn’t far.
Slowly, I pivoted, tail swinging lazily around so that I faced the woods behind me, and the thought of the hill’s breath upon my back made me shiver. Teddy was no where. He was just as afraid as everyone else. I swallowed, my tongue lackering the ribs of the roof of my mouth in a gentle, motherly motion. I stood hunkering against the nonexistent wind and breathing in that same, steady manner. Why was I the only one here?
“Fine…”
There was no comfort to be found among companions anyway.
